Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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