Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
