Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
