Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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