She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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