Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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