mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
