Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
