Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
