i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
