sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
