She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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