I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
