Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
