I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
