dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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