I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
