he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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