You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
