Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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