Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
