she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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