Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
