Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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