I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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