sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
