New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
