I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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