HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
