He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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