lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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