Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
