I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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