Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
