There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
