im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
