it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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