tell your sister to shave her snatch
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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