seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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