I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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