Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
