did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
