he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
