Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
