ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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