he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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