There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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