So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
