Plan B is the new Plan A
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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