In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
