I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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