we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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