you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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