i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
