I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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