We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
