i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize