I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
