I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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