2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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