He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There's always time for handjobs
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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