I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
