I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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